Back when I was first trying to have a baby, I found a website that had bulletin boards for pregnant mommies, expecting mommies, and mommies who were hoping to be expecting soon. I was in the latter category for a pretty long time. And so were a lot of other ladies. Month after month, we started recognizing screennames and eventually, started posting in a group together. A group of women whose biggest wish was to have a baby. We'd start a new thread daily and spill out details about ourselves and little tidbits about our lives. We became more than a screen name to each other. We became friends.
Several of us decided to break off and start posting on a private board, away from the public one where we'd met. There, we got to know each other even better. Over the next year or two, we became more than just a board.... we became an extended family. We shared more with each other than we shared with even our friends and family. These were the women I went to first when I was finally expecting. Before my mom even knew, these friends did.
We continued posting together through all the ups and downs in our lives. There were miscarriages, deaths in the family, family troubles, sicknesses, birthdays, a few fights, and thankfully, a lot of births. Everyone on the board eventually got their dream of a family. And the board continued. It had become my sanity. My outlet. I often told my husband he was lucky I had this group because they were saving us a lot of money I'd be paying out to a therapist! :)
When I was pregnant with my second child, again, this was the first place I shared it. These ladies knew the frustrations I'd gone through, trying to get pregnant again. And they were so supportive and happy for me when it happened. When C was born, a friend on the board was giving the rest of the board play-by-play details as we talked on the phone and I couldn't wait to get home and share pictures of my sweeties with these ladies who had come to mean so much to me.
A few months later, the board changed. I'm not really sure what happened... I think it was a combination of a number of things... but the comraderie we had shared for almost five years became stiff and uncomfortable instead of welcoming. People posted less and bickered more. But the board went on. We still continued sharing tidbits of our lives but they were less frequent.
Several months later, we found out why. Several of the ladies on the board had jumped ship and started a new board, all the while still posting with us. No big deal there. But on their new board, they spent a great deal of their time ridiculing and making fun of those of us who were left on the original board. It all came to light when one of the members of the new board decided to rat them out to get even with another. Whatever her reasons, I'm glad she did it.
To say we were hurt is an understatement. The things that were posted about us were cruel and vicious. Here were these women who on one hand were pretending to be supportive and on the other hand were anything but. There are a lot more details that go along with this story but I imagine you're already getting a little tired of reading. Suffice it to say, the women were removed from our board and we picked up the pieces and tried to continue posting like nothing had happened. Today, that board that used to get around 100 posts a day is lucky to get 10.
It's been close to a year since we found out about the other group. And for some reason, I am still very angry at these women. There's a letter that's formed in my head that one day I would like to send. But I imagine I won't. Maybe I'll just write it, seal it, and burn it. Just like they burned us.
Several of us decided to break off and start posting on a private board, away from the public one where we'd met. There, we got to know each other even better. Over the next year or two, we became more than just a board.... we became an extended family. We shared more with each other than we shared with even our friends and family. These were the women I went to first when I was finally expecting. Before my mom even knew, these friends did.
We continued posting together through all the ups and downs in our lives. There were miscarriages, deaths in the family, family troubles, sicknesses, birthdays, a few fights, and thankfully, a lot of births. Everyone on the board eventually got their dream of a family. And the board continued. It had become my sanity. My outlet. I often told my husband he was lucky I had this group because they were saving us a lot of money I'd be paying out to a therapist! :)
When I was pregnant with my second child, again, this was the first place I shared it. These ladies knew the frustrations I'd gone through, trying to get pregnant again. And they were so supportive and happy for me when it happened. When C was born, a friend on the board was giving the rest of the board play-by-play details as we talked on the phone and I couldn't wait to get home and share pictures of my sweeties with these ladies who had come to mean so much to me.
A few months later, the board changed. I'm not really sure what happened... I think it was a combination of a number of things... but the comraderie we had shared for almost five years became stiff and uncomfortable instead of welcoming. People posted less and bickered more. But the board went on. We still continued sharing tidbits of our lives but they were less frequent.
Several months later, we found out why. Several of the ladies on the board had jumped ship and started a new board, all the while still posting with us. No big deal there. But on their new board, they spent a great deal of their time ridiculing and making fun of those of us who were left on the original board. It all came to light when one of the members of the new board decided to rat them out to get even with another. Whatever her reasons, I'm glad she did it.
To say we were hurt is an understatement. The things that were posted about us were cruel and vicious. Here were these women who on one hand were pretending to be supportive and on the other hand were anything but. There are a lot more details that go along with this story but I imagine you're already getting a little tired of reading. Suffice it to say, the women were removed from our board and we picked up the pieces and tried to continue posting like nothing had happened. Today, that board that used to get around 100 posts a day is lucky to get 10.
It's been close to a year since we found out about the other group. And for some reason, I am still very angry at these women. There's a letter that's formed in my head that one day I would like to send. But I imagine I won't. Maybe I'll just write it, seal it, and burn it. Just like they burned us.
posted by Anonymous at 3:18 PM
14 Comments:
Hello, Michele sent me!
I have enjoyed reading your blog. Ya know, I think it just doesn't set well when we are betrayed by another woman. Once we make a friendship, it should be forever, not broken up by some other people's small mindedness.
Good luck!
Sadly, I've seen just that thing happen way too many times since I first logged on back in '89. For some reason people seem to think it's perfectly ok to do things online they would never do in person... I don't get it, never will.
Here via Michele's this afternoon...
Sounds like it was a tough time, just like any ending of a friendship (or several). I am visiting this time from michele's meet in greet. Hi!
Here tonight via Michele. Hope you have a good weekend.
Why is it that women especially think it's ok to be so cruel?
I'll never understand us at all.....
i don't know why some women feel it's necessary to do that, if you're able to, try and forget about it and move on with your life. there is nothing you can do to change any of this, if you have somewhere that you can still vent or exchange things with others, i think that's actually more important than what they're doing. i try and stay positive about things, it's not always easy, but when you're raising kids, you need to think like that. what kind of mother's do they think they are if they think it's ok to do this to someone?
I have been a member of a group since i was pregnant with my 3rd child. As of late i have felt out of place and distant from them :(
I can relate. Tho I know they don't have another board, they do email and chat on the phone.
This was a wonderfully written post. How awful that a group of women secretly moved away and started a new board where they could ridicule the old one. After all that you shared with them. It must have really hurt you.
Michele sent me this way.
That is awful. I have been on groups that split and a group where people have grown apart and it just sucks when bad stuff like that happens.
Oops forgot to say hi from Michele's
I'm really amazed at how hurtful people can be, the older I get.
Thanks for your comments on my blog today and for blogrolling me!
Cathy, As far as I'm concerned, it's their loss because I'm one of the luckiest people around to have a friend like you. :-)
And, you know me, I would have written that letter 11 months 29 days ago!!!! (oh, and emailed it too!)
Michelle sent me. Some people just have no class or scruples.
Oh, wow! That's crazy. I used to be on a BC birth board for my youngest child's birth month. About a year ago there was a split and most of us went to a private board. The people on the private board are some of my dearest friends, and I'd hope that none of them would ever choose to do a split like you mentioned. Horrible.
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